Yo dont text me then not text me
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
