Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
