She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
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