I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
