you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize
