Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She told me I should be a condom model.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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