Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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