Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
