You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize