I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
