Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
