She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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