evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
