I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
