he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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