he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
areolas are like halos for boobs.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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