You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
