my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
