either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
