i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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