That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
