I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
