Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
