Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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