The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
