She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
