Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize