Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
