Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
