I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
