I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Shame - the story of my life.
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