it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
These tits shall not be calmed
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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