he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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