Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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