Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize