Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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