OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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