his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize