I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
