Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize