...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
