I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
