For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
