If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i love accidental penises.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
