apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
