Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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