he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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