If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize