I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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