just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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