I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
