Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
