You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
