dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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