dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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