I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Floor bacon is actually really good
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
