I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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