You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
