I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
