she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
