happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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