Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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