I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
