I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
