If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
