Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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