The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
