you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
