turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
