You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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